Feminism is a hot topic right now, especially in my circles. It’s also a topic that gets people very emotional. I recognize in writing this that many people will disagree. Some will be angry. Others will discount what I have to say because I am not an active member of any feminist communities or an academic. I have members of my own family that will disagree on both sides of the issue with what I have to say.
I may not be an active feminist, I am however an active proponent of women and passionate about assisting them to love themselves and reach their fullest potential. My life’s work is to strengthen women. I was recently invited to a feminist group and joined thinking that it would be a great fit because I am all about empowering women. It wasn’t a great fit. I left the group a few days later. But it really did get me thinking about feminism, what it has given us and how it has hurt us. And I do see that it has done both. The truth is many of us don’t know a lot about feminism. Whenever we have strong opinions on something we know very little about, it is never a good thing.
Here is my VERY simplified description of the 3 waves of feminism.
The first wave was primarily focused on suffrage, the right to vote, marriage laws, and property laws. The second wave started in the 60’s and 70’s. This wave fought for social equality for women and men, equal rights and equal pay. The third wave of feminism started in the 80’s and 90’s and integrated different cultures and socio-economic standards.
I am all for the first wave of feminism. I am grateful to my sisters who sacrificed their time and energy so that I have the rights I have. I am grateful for parts of the second wave and third wave. I am grateful that we are closer to equal pay. I am grateful that women can use their time and talents in many professions that were not options previously. I am grateful that marriage rape laws have been changed. I am grateful that there are women fighting against human trafficking, child marriage laws, and other important women’s issues.
If you look around in the world, there are a lot of pendulum moments. We swing really far to one side and then when we see the shortcomings, we swing really far to the other side. When I look at the feminists of the 60’s and 70’s fighting for equality, it seems like we started chasing masculinity. Equality meant the same instead of equally valuable and different. When women started to want to be recognized for their femininity, we swung the other direction. I hate the double standard of sex as much as anyone. There was a time when a sexually active girl was a slut, and a sexually active boy was a hero. That still exists in many parts of the world. However, sexual freedom has led to a culture where a woman’s sexual appeal is often considered her most important feature. We are so primed for this. I actively promote healthy body image in women and girls, and yet when I look at Hillary Clinton, I am likely first to look at how wrinkly she is looking and second I wonder what she is talking about.
There are books written on the ways feminism has helped us and the ways it has hurt us. But I want to focus on a few that I see.
- Judgment- It used to be you were judged if you wanted to work instead of staying home to raise a family. Now you are judged from both sides. I am a mother to 5 boys, and I own two companies. I have had women judge me for having kids, having so many kids, not pursuing a career in corporate America, working too much, not working enough, not putting my kids needs in front of mine, and for putting my kids needs in front of mine. It’s crazy how much judgment there is to being a woman.
- Guilt- Women who are clearly on a side of this issue don’t tend to feel guilty about their choices. But most of us are somewhere in the middle, and the middle experiences a lot of guilt. Guilt about working, guilt about not working.
- Pressure to fit a mold- There have always been molds and pressure to fit them. I am sure that came way before the feminists. Now there are just more molds to fit! My family does not follow traditional gender roles. My husband and I both work, and we both manage the household duties. I am a great mom, but perhaps not in a traditional sense. Last week I decided to can peaches. It was the first time I had done it and I felt very Little House on the Prairie. While I was home with the babies canning, my husband was out with the older boys at a scouting activity. I thought about it during the day, laughed and wondered what some of my clients would thing about this ultra gender typed day we were having. Then it made me sad to think that I would feel any type of embarrassment at every one in my family doing what they wanted to do that day.
Anger- This topic can be so fueled by anger.- Disrespecting Men- Our world is made up of 2 sexes. Both are essential, both are valuable. Disrespecting men is just as dangerous as disrespecting women. In an attempt to create equality, we have taken a lot of shots at men. That needs to change.
- Objectification of Women- This is a huge problem and one that I passionately fight against. When Miley Cyrus performed with Robin Thicke at the VMA’s this year, I read reviews claiming she was brave, liberating, feminist and an act of freedom. I have major issues with a society that teaches our young women that allowing themselves to be sexually exploited is in any way a representation of being a strong woman.
- Losing our strength- This is where many people will disagree with me. But I honestly feel that feminine strength is gentle, loving, and kind. I am not saying I am the gentlest woman on the planet. I am actually fairly feisty. But that type of energy is extremely powerful and I believe what the world needs to heal right now. It is not weak. It is incredibly strong. It can change hearts and minds. It can unify and mend.
I think it is time we bring in a fourth wave of feminism. The world still needs strong women fighting for women’s rights. There are so many areas of the world where our sisters need our help. But this wave will be based on love, acceptance, and power in our feminine strength. We will not judge. Our choice to pursue a family, or a career or both will be respected. We will honor men as our equal, capable and brave partners. We honor ourselves as intelligent, loving, and beautiful women. We will lead with our hearts and minds, not our sexuality. We will not compromise our femininity. I am not and have never been a girlie girl. But I do recognize that when I create through with my heart, I am unstoppable.
Who is with me?
