I attended a conference for private practice owners a couple of weeks ago, and I was amazed how many business owners felt friction because they were not on the same page as their spouse about business. Some had spouses that were completely uninvolved in the business and wanted their spouse to be more engaged. On the flip side, others had spouses that were overstepping and trying to exert themselves too much in the business. It’s pretty common. It isn’t the easiest thing being married to an entrepreneur. There is uncertainty, long work days and sometimes higher stress levels.
I am convinced that we can have strong marriages and get our spouses on board if we’ll follow these 6 critical steps.
- Enroll your spouse into the destination. Not everyone is wired to be an entrepreneur. And the journey of building a business is daunting for many. Opposites attract. And often times I’ve found that the risk taking entrepreneur is married to someone who is safety and security minded. I know I am! That can create a lot of uncertainty for the spouse. There is definitely a price to pay on the day to day journey! But if you and your spouse are on the same page about where you are going, and what you are building, it will help your spouse to be more willing to support you along the way.
- Never force your spouse to work for you. I’ve seen so many business owners pull their spouse into the day to day operations because they want to save money. It never goes well. The unwilling spouse is a very undependable contributor. They are not a team player because they don’t show up day in and day out. They disrupt the flow with all other team members. And often times they end up resentful because they truly want to be doing other things.
- If your spouse is going to work in the business, get clearly defined roles and responsibilities. My husband is my business partner. And we have clearly defined roles, and a hierarchy. It keeps things so much cleaner! That way the spouse isn’t telling everyone what to do. And they are accountable for generating results inside of their specific role.
- Don’t use your spouse as your venting board. Even before my husband worked full time in our company, I would use him as a sounding board for ideas. But what I didn’t ever use him as was a complaining board. If you need to vent, pay a coach, talk to a tree, or get a journal. Your spouse is too emotionally connected to you, and the business results to be the one that listens to your fears and frustrations in the business. It’s so hard for your spouse to be supportive of something that is causing you pain.
- Ask for support, not permission. This one is big. I see too many businesses where there is a spouse that has decision making powers with ABSOLUTELY NO day to day interaction with the business. That is just a terrible business idea. Why not give your neighbor decision making abilities? Both would have no idea of the actual needs of the business. I understand where this desire comes from. We are partners in life. We want to make big decisions together. And we want our spouse on board. But rather than asking for permission to do what your business needs, instead I recommend asking for support. It is a world of difference to go to your spouse and say, “This is what the business needs. I’ve done my research and decided to move this direction. Will you support me in this?” It’s so much more empowering for both of you.
- Make time for love. Date nights, evening conversations, weekend getaways, and of course intimacy all matter! Business is time consuming. Parenting is time consuming. Life is time consuming. And if you aren’t careful, your marriage winds up on the back burner. If you want your spouse to support you in business, make sure you are showing them that they are your priority!
I’ve seen highly unsupportive spouses change their tune as the entrepreneur in their life followed these 6 simple steps. You don’t have to do them all at once, but pick one. Try it for a week and see what a difference it makes.