I’m bringing my husband home from work.” A full body cringe passes from my spine down through my toes every time I hear those words. You say them with excitement. I hear them with dread. Because I know what they will be followed by.
“I brought my husband home from work.” This time I hear the panic in your voice. And I feel the sympathy because I know how much weight you feel on your shoulders. I know how lost he feels. I know how many words you need to say and don’t because they will cause more hurt than help.
I know, because I have made this exact same mistake. In 2005, I brought my husband home from work. He was unhappy in his job. My business had more potential for growth than he had inside of his company. So we did what we thought was best for our family. He came home to support me while I went out to build my empire. And for the next year and a half we struggled. I struggled with the stress of providing for our family. He struggled to feel happy with the change of pace. We struggled financially. I was jealous of the time he spent with my kids. He was jealous of the purpose I felt in pursuing my dreams. He did all the things I didn’t have time to do. They did not feed his soul and he had no passion in doing meaningless tasks. I felt unsupported. He was clueless as to how he could better support me.
18 months later when he got a job we both breathed a huge sigh of relief.
In 2013, I met with my husband over lunch for a head hunting conversation. I was trying to recruit him into my business. We both had hesitation. We both had a little bit of Post Traumatic Couples Working Together Syndrome. But I knew I needed him, and I knew we had grown enough to make it work this time around.
And there was one critical difference. I was not “bringing my husband home.”
Ladies, I understand the desire to work side by side with your husband. I understand wanting to build financial freedom together. I understand wanting higher levels of connection in purpose, time, and direction. I just also understand how wrong it can go.
I’ve been running my business with my husband for the past 2 and a half years. It’s been amazing. We love working together. And I want to give some words of warning for those considering it.
- Don’t rescue your husband from a job he hates. Men are not wired to be rescued and work gives them a strong sense of autonomy and purpose. When you take away their work, they struggle to know who they are and how they fit. I have seen many rescued men loose purpose and turn to play. It becomes one big vacation in their mind and at the end of the vacation is a resentful wife.
Don’t bring your spouse in to a position he is not suited, qualified, or trained for. When women bring their husband into their business, they often want the husband to be their clone. They want another person to manage. But the husband is not ready for that position. And it sets him up for failure.- Don’t make the transition too early. You think that having 2 people instead of one should double your income. But that is not going to happen. This is a major life change, and you may actually find a dip in income while you adjust to the new pace of life. Make sure that you have enough income right now that you can be fine for at least 6 months. It will probably take that long for the husband to settle into their new roles and start creating an increase in income.
- Don’t assume anything! So many of the challenges couples face when they are working together are based on assumptions. Because the husband likes spending time with the kids, you assume he’ll find being a stay at home dad and housekeeper fulfilling. But in reality Saturday play and everyday housekeeping are completely different.
Don’t bring your spouse in to a position he is not suited, qualified, or trained for. When women bring their husband into their business, they often want the husband to be their clone. They want another person to manage. But the husband is not ready for that position. And it sets him up for failure.
I truly LOVE working with my spouse. It can be a beautiful experience when done right. If you are considering making this transition, talk with other couples that are doing it. Take time to plan and have lots and lots of conversation. Set yourselves up for being successful. And please, don’t “Bring your husband home.” Instead partner together to build something amazing.