I get asked the question pretty regularly, “What is it really like working with your spouse?” Stephen and I meet clients that would love to work with their spouse, and others that think it would be the death of their marriage. Working together has been wonderful for us, but also, really bad!
The first round of us working together actually happened about 11 years ago. It wasn’t awesome. There was a good bit of resentment. There was a lot of biting our tongues. There was a lot of chaos. And having two people work together did not double our income. We were both stressed. And we weren’t making what we thought we would. The experiment lasted about a year and then we both breathed a huge sigh of relief when Stephen got a job and I went back to managing the business by myself.
In 2013 I launched Amy Walker Consulting, and I knew from the beginning that I wanted us to run the company together. When I incorporated, I had my husband listed as a partner and while he wasn’t doing anything for the business, I hoped that before too long he would be.
18 months later, my business was growing. I needed help. And we could afford to take the plunge. But we knew we had to do things really differently. We were in a good place with our marriage and we wanted to keep it that way! We met over several meetings to create a game plan that would address all the problems we experienced in round one. And as a result, it’s been amazing working together. We both love it. It’s been great for business, and has also really strengthened our marriage.
Here’s what we did to make it work.
- Create distinct roles. Stephen and I are different people with different skill sets. When we first started working together, I gave him all the jobs that I was too busy to do. He became my clean up man. I created chaos and then left him to wrap up all the details I lacked the discipline to do. That’s not fun for anyone. Every entrepreneur wishes they could clone themselves, but lets be VERY CLEAR. That is not what happens when you bring your spouse into your business. Create different jobs for yourselves that focus on each of your strengths.
- Balance autonomy and authority. When you work with your spouse you have to have a different working relationship than you would with any other team member. Some people are inclined to be more bossy with their spouse than they would with anyone else. And some people are inclined to just let their spouse do their thing without any accountability. Neither one works well. Instead, it is best if you have a good balance. My husband is the CFO and the Director of Marketing inside of our company. I am the CEO, Director of Sales, and I’m over our coaches. Stephen has the final say on financial decisions. I have the final say on sales decisions. If something affects the company as a whole, I have the final say through my CEO role. We answer to each other in our weekly meetings. And we’ve both had to learn to be more accountable to each other than we would be naturally inclined to do.
- Let go of the expectation that we’ll be of the same opinion. When we first started working together I had high hopes that we would be able to communicate well and always be on the same page about what our business needs. We are mostly on the same page. We do communicate well, but sometimes we have very differing opinions. And it’s actually really good for business! Those differing opinions create great discussions and help us ultimately get to better decisions.
- Have weekly owners meetings. We aren’t perfect at this one. But throughout our business, we’ve made it a priority to meet together weekly and discuss the business needs. This allows us to get on the same page before we meet with the rest of the team so that we are united in our objectives. It also gives us a safe space to discuss anything that isn’t working. And it keeps our pillow talk from turning into late night business talk.
Know when to turn off business. I’d love to say our date nights are 100% business, or that we never talk business in the bedroom. But we’re not that good yet. Between our 5 boys and running the business, we don’t have as much time as you’d think to talk through all of the things we need to discuss. So when we have a moment alone, there is almost always something we need to discuss. So our dates often start like this, “Okay, I just have 2 things I need to update you on…” But the key is, we also say, “Alright, no more business.” And then we unplug and just focus on us. You’ve got to make sure that your relationship doesn’t just turn into business. You’ve got to take time to laugh and have fun. Time to cherish and love. And time for intimacy. And training yourself NOT to think about business during those times is critical!
I LOVE working with my husband. I feel so much more supported with him on board. I love his talents that he brings to the table. And I can’t imagine us not working together. For those that are experiencing the challenges we had in our first go around, try these 5 strategies, I guarantee it can get better. For those that are considering working together, plan as much as you can, but also know that it will require change on both your parts. Be flexible and patient with each other as you get started! And have fun growing together!